so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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