i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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