Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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