Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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