Whatcha textin bout Willis?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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