So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
