I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
