I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
