I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
