it wasn't lemon gatorade
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
