And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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