PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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