i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize