did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Girls should come with a carfax report
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
