If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
