She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
