so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
