I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
