Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
