last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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