What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
