it was like eating out sand paper
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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