you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
