Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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