My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
