I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
