My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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