I hate your face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
