I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
