well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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