BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
