I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize