i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
