One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
