I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
