On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I met the friendliest cop last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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