once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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