ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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