I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
