My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
