I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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