Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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