i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
