I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
