im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
