she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
