Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My pussy is not your playground.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
