Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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