I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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