I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they're like a gay fantastic four
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
