there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
