So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My life is pants optional.
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