Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
