just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize