am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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