I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
