Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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