Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
