Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
where does the pee come out of this thing
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
