im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
