So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
