It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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