I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
