If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
