I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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