Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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